The Rotary Club of Bridport

Excelling on community service

Best E-mails

31 January 2012

Subject: FW: British humour is delightfully different! These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!

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FREE PUPPIES

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

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FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

_______________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

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And the WINNER is…

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)

___________________________________________________________

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker–Billy Connolly.

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,

How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

16 January 2012 
         

CLICK ON THE (RED) LINK
  • If you can take your eyes off her, the male dancer is super . . . never moves his shoulders compared to what his feet and knees are doing. And the top of his head stays at the same height no matter what.
  • This is a pianist from Switzerland who plays some of the best Boogie Woogie anywhere. He is so BIG over there, they hold a week-long Boogie Woogie contest every year and all the best players in the world are invited. In this video he is joined by 2 amazing dancers… The male dancer even has a haircut from the forties.
  • Turn up the volume, watch and give it a listen! If you experience any trouble tapping your foot to the beat, you had better hurry and schedule an appointment with your physician.

FOR THOSE WHO DON ‘ T REMEMBER, THIS IS HOW THE BOOGIE WOOGIE WAS DONE!

 


15 April 2011   

The royal Wedding rehearsal – brilliant ! how do they do it ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kav0FEhtLug&feature=youtu.be

October 2010Dementia Quiz

 

FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE

THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,

THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE

SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,

BUT DON’T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS

YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?

SECOND QUESTION:

IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE….?

(SCROLL DOWN)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU

ARE…..

WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST

PERSON??

YOU’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:

VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:

THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.

DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.

TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.

ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.

NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100…

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!

TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU’LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT… MAYBE…

FOURTH QUESTION:

MARY’S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???

2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN’T.

HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,

I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO

REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.

BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE

SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE
IS DONE.

NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A

PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

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IT’S REALLY VERY SIMPLE

HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT…

DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??

IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

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PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE

SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

HAVE A NICE DAY, ONE AND ALL.

24 July 2010

Ode to a Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye cannot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it to say
Weather eye am wrong oar rite
It shows me strait aweigh

As soon as a mist take is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite;
It’s rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it;
I am shore your pleased two no
It’s letter perfect awl the weigh-
My chequer told me so!